Welcome to yet another #WeekendCoffeeShare! Today I am welcoming you to Brexit Tea (Formally known as High Tea) – and I stray from the purely joke-part of my weekly Saturday feature. I might be able to sneak in a joke though.
If we were having Brexit Tea, you might have noticed that some of you only got hot water. Those of you who got only hot water have one thing in common: you are Britons. I would like to welcome all you Britons to a tasting of next month’s flavor (or prophecy, if you prefer) – Hot Water! By voting for the Brexit, you cancelled out each and every commercial agreement you have! No more imports for you!
I know you Britons enjoy your coffee, and you also enjoy your tea. Your High Tea will now be reduced to High Hot Water, as both coffee and tea are imports. And no. You cannot sweeten the deal with a spoonful of sugar. Nor lemon. Nope. All imports. You can have milk in your hot water though. You are welcome!
Sure, you can sit there and suck on your red currants and rhubarb, that’s absolutely fine. But don’t you think they leave a sour taste in your mouth now that you have no sugar to sweeten them with?
If we were having Brexit Tea, I would remind you of the post I wrote yesterday: Britain, what did you just do? where I admit to have been taken completely by surprise by the Brexit vote. I also question whether the EU will meet you in your attempt to being elegant in your Brexit-endeavor. Turns out – I was correct to question just that. The EU has basically put the UK in the waiting room until you make a speedy decision. You are not welcome in the decisionmaking process within the EU until you make up your mind. You are actually already out! You are too chaotic, and too unstable to be trusted with a EU vote at the moment. None of this waiting til October-bullshit. You have to decide whether or not to invoke article 50 damn fast! And by doing so – you have two years to figure out some way to deal with the EU – all from the waiting room, and when those two years are up, whether you have come to an agreement you can live with or not – you are OUT for real! Not just out in the hallway – or in the waitingroom. Out! Out in the cold. Alone. And this is what you wanted? Really?
Am I exaggerating? Possibly. Of course UK can negotiate new commercial agreements. Sure. But this takes time – and one very important little detail you have forgotten: YOU HAVE JUST MADE YOURSELF A LESS DESIRABLE BUSINESSPARTNER! Because you have just proven yourself to be selfish, not a team player, chaotic, irrational and not trustworthy. Why would I risk my investments to such an unstable country? Sure I’ll sell you my tea and sugar – but it’s fucking gonna cost you! And your pounds aren’t worth much these days, so the prices will be astronomical for the regular consumer purcasing tea and lemon in the supermarket. This is what you voted for! On the up side: you don’t have to worry about Lithuanians, Latvians and Hungarians coming to take the jobs you don’t want in the first place. Good on ‘ya!
If we were having Brexit Tea, we would note that Europhobes, Islamaphobes and Racists are asking for referendums in France and Belgium. Well, they seem to be as short-sighted as the Britons. Hopefully they have Government leaders with just a tad higher IQ scores then the Europhobes, Islamaphobes and Racists. Europhobia, Islamaphobia and Racism are populist topics. It is the favor of the month. That’s it. To cast your vote out of populist propaganda and fear – is not smart. It’s actually really, really stupid.
The rest of EU getting in on the flavor of the month, with absolutely no consideration of the next month’s somewhat bland flavor – hot water – is not a pretty sight. I am very confident when I say that there will be no:
But then again: I was wrong about the Brexit!
If the free movement of people is the problem, then it is better to work INSIDE the system to change the EU, rather than throwing all the toys out of the sandbox and throw a tantrum. Cuz that is what the UK is doing – it is throwing a temper tantrum. And they are shooting themselves in the foot!
If we were having Brexit Tea, I would ask the Britons if you have any idea of the work you have ahead? You have 43 years of laws that you have to look into, make adjustments to, change as a whole or leave as is. Do you comprehend the man-hours and costs this will tally up to? I dare say, Old Chap – you have no idea what you just did by casting your vote the way that you did. By throwing a temper tantrum.
Actually, it is the old geezers in England and Wales who are throwing this tantrum. They were the ones who voted to leave. They are throwing their own kids and grandkids under the bus. Not a very likeable trait – and a polarizing one. Scotland and Northern Ireland voted to stay. What choice do they have?
Northern Ireland could leave the UK, and possibly cozy up with Ireland. The problem there is that they cannot live together. Because in Northern Ireland they believe in God. This does not sit well with the Irish – because the Irish believe in God. Both are too friggin stupid to realize that they believe in the SAME GOD! Seriously, people! Grow. The. Fuck. Up!
Scotland just voted to stay in the UK, and then 63% of the votes on the Brexit were in favor of staying in the EU. Scotland now has good reason to reevaluate their decision to stay in the UK. Scotland is a country in a union in a union. Sure, Scotland can choose to leave one union and seek to keep UK’s place in the EU. I don’t know if that is going to work, but I would hope my plaid clad friends would succeed in that endeavor. Of course then there would have to be put in place some sort of border control between England and Scotland – as Scotland would be in the Union while England would be out. A fence! Of course this is doable, but costly. What would cause a bigger headache is the oil and gas. Scotland has the resources, but the offices are mainly in England. I think this was one of the reasons the Scots voted to stay in the UK – just the hassle of moving the headquarters back to Scotland. Of course, with the Brexit, it might now be worthwhile.
England and Whales would then sit there – with their Brexit tea – and no oil. Now, that’s gonna suck big time! Now they are even less desirable as a commercial partner. And Gibraltar (whom voted to stay in the EU with a whopping 95.9%)? Absorbed by Spain I guess.
Britain – I will ask you again; what did you just do? Is this really what you want? ARE YOU FUCKING SURE? All this just to keep the southern and eastern Europeans out? You better fucking make up your mind pretty damn fast – because EU won’t wait!
Britain – you have made a fucking mess! You clean this shit up, and fast! You broke it – you fix it!
And Prime Minister David Cameron: Start doing what you are being paid the big bucks to do: LEAD THE FUCKING UK! Do not run and hide with the tail between your legs because your win on a populist vote backfired on you!
If we were having Brexit Tea, I would mention Donald Trump. Just the mere mention of his name should have you in stitches! Because we all know that The Donald is a fucking JOKE!
Just when you think this asswipe (The Donald) can’t possibly get any stupider, he goes and does it again – setting an all-time low of stupid:
As Lili Allen pointed out to him; Scotland voted IN. They voted STAY in the EU. They voted NO to Brexit. This joker does not understand that Scotland is a country in a union in a union. For the Scots to “take back their country”, they have to leave both the UK and the EU. Now that they are pretty fucking clear about not wanting the Brexit (63% of the vote), they might want to look into if the Union with England and Wales are in their best interest – as briefly discussed earlier on in this post.
Also Trumpty-Dumpty (and I am fighting the urge to call him a clown – as that would be a great insult – to the clowns!) is actually saying something very unexpected here: He is talking about UK taking their country back – and that the Americans will take their country back. He is saying that a state leaving a union is a good thing! Did any of you catch that? That means breaking up the USA into individual, sovereign states! This is what he is actually saying! Who will be the first state to break free? California? Or Texas? Or how about the southern states breaking free and forming their own union? And then you have it going all over again, don’t you? History repeating! Good on ‘ya! Dumbass! The Donald is no longer running for Presidency of USA – he’s running for Presidency of the State of New York*!
*New York because that is where he is from. If the USA no longer excists, and he wants to be President, then his home state would be the only state he could run for presidency in. (He already is President of the Great State of Confusion)
Seriously, Trump; Go read a fucking book! Start with children’s books and work your way up. You have a great deal of learning to do before you can run a country.
To my American friends who are considering wasting your votes on this amoeba: Do you really want this person to represent your country? To represent YOU? The rest of the world LAUGHS at the Donald. He’s a fucking JOKE! Do YOU want to be represented by a JOKE?
Want to see my previous contributions to the #WeekendCoffeeShare? They are funny, I promise: