Road rage much?


Old Mamasan is wise enough, and experienced enough, to know that when moving to Spain, a car will be a necessity. Sure, there are many ideological souls out there that swear on using their feet when going shopping, sightseeing, and what have you. Not Old Mamasan. No, Sir! I will have a car, that is the way I roll! (pun intended)

While booking the rental car, the option of including a GPS appears. No, thank you, I will bring my own “voice in a box“. Now, my “voice in a box” is sometimes quirky, and not seldom has she led me astray. But for the most part, she is a reliable and trustworthy friend.

Old Mamasan has as much sense of direction as a loaf of bread, so I am totally reliant on the box. If she leads me astray – well, then I am lost. Getting lost is not always a bad thing; I have discovered so many cool places just by being lost. However – the box can be a real pain in the sit-upon, especially in heavy traffic. It is in those situations her nagging both instigates an argument, and brings out the road rage in me:

Box: Turn right at the intersection.

Mamasan: Right, got it!

Box: Turn right at the intersection.

Mamasan: I will, but right now I have to wait for the light to change.

Box: Turn right at the intersection.

Mamasan: Stupid much? I have a red light! R-E-D! Now shut up!

Box: Turn right at the intersection

Passenger seat: *giggles at the crazy woman arguing with the box* 

Mamasan: Shut up!

You think I eased out in the intersection and took a nice, calm right – after that argument with the box? No, Sir! We are talking loud acceleration (I would say fast, but the 4 horse powers in the Fiat Panda had a tendency to limit essentials like acceleration and speed.) Hands clasping stearing wheel and stick shift with white knuckles, yanking the stick shift from gear to gear and making a very sharp right – all while cursing everyone who has the audacity to be at the same intersection as myself at the exact same time. Dumbasses! Yeah, I road rage.

Box: In the roundabout, take the third exit

Mamasan: All right, better change lanes then, and position myself in the inner lane.

Box: In the roundabout, take the third exit.

Mamasan: One… Two… This one!

Stupid car in the outer lane: Wroooom! Hooooonk! Wroooom!

Mamasan: *extends middle finger towards stupid car in outer lane (and decides to take an extra round)*  Road rage much?

Passenger seat: *in a snarky know-it-all-teenager-tone*  I notice that everyone uses the outer lane, even when they are going all the way around the roundabout.

Box: Recalculates.

Mamasan: What’s the point of the inner lane then?

Passenger seat: *still in a snarky know-it-all-teenager-tone* I don’t make the rules. I just make observations.

Box: In the roundabout, take the third exit

Mamasan: *on her second round in the roundabout*  I’ve lost count, so give me some helpful directions or shut up!

Box: Recalculates.

Passenger seat: *weird snorting, gasping and annoying laughing-sounds*

Mamasan: If you don’t shut up, I’ll recalculate your ass to hell and back!

Box: In the roundabout, take the third exit.

Passenger seat: *loud laughing and knee-slapping-noises*

Mamasan: You’re grounded.

Passenger seat: Me or the box?

Mamasan: Both of you. Dumbasses!

Box: Recalculates.

Yup. I road rage. Much.

 

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14 comments on “Road rage much?

  1. Hahahaha. That was awesome, and I totally relate to the frustration. I love the conversations you had with the box and your passenger. You didn’t need pictures to tell this; the words did it extremely well.

    Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Liebster Award | Travel Much?

  3. This reminds me of that one time my friends and I got lost in the middle of the Scottish countryside for not following our GPS.
    First of all, I feel it’s important to notice that we had named said GPS “Palantír” since it knew things, but also seemed to turn evil every now and then and just offer us the worst possible alternatives every time we didn’t follow the first route it calculated for us.
    We were sure that it was doing it *on purpose* to punish us for not following its directions.

    Anyway, that day we has planned to go sightseeing in several interesting areas near lake Lochness.
    On the way from one place to the next, we decided to take a quick detour as we saw an interesting monument just off the main road.
    Our Palantír was apparently really offended by that and basically dragged us in the middle of the countryside, on these tiny trails that you could tell are made specifically for cattle, and was trying to tell us to circle the whole lake, rathern than just take the shortest route.

    On the positive side, the Scottish countryside is stunning, so we had a great time watching these places that looked like a fairytale enchanted meadhow (we would have appreciated them more if we hadn’t been worried of being lost in the middle of nowhere, but that clearly wasn’t what the Palantír wanted for us).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh I love it! Always nice when people – in the very end – wins over the evil GPS’s whose sole purpose is to lead us astray. It might take us longer to reach the destination, but sometimes the detour itself is worth the whole trip. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Evil GPS ?! Sure is. We’ve had many a tangle with them in places which, in hindsight, we should never have used them! Like in Sydney where the high rise buildings in the CBD blocked the signals and it had us going round and round in circles, Would have been better taking a taxi on the monorail! And in Melbourne, where the roadworks got in the way of the eternal ‘turn right at the third exit’ which didn’t exist! Oh dear………
    Fom one road rager to another, thanks for the follow 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      • Don’t know – personally I don’t even know how to use one, lol !! It gets used if himself is at the wheel. I either get lost, or read an old fashioned map which is challenging enough 😦 I believe I fall into that category of geographically dyslexic females….

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ha! The evil GPS or the just plain dumb GPS? It’s hard to work out sometimes. Had an experience in France where the first route offered was a mere 22km over a hill between 2 valleys . Did it take into account the fact that the road was basically a donkey track , that once started I had to do a 3 point turn to get round each corner, that there was nowhere wide enough to turn round. No it did not! When I eventually came across a local they told me “Non” apparantly it didn’t actually go over to the next valley I should turn around – so I did – in their olive grove knocking off a million specks of pollen that turned the car green- how mortifying! The recalculated route took 2 hours and the next morning we discovered with the aid of an old faithful map the 20 minute straight down the valley route we should have taken the night before in the dark.Much was said that cannot be printed!!!
    Still “Miss Direction” was generally an OK kind of gal.

    Like

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    • Thank you for your kind comment. I have never done a guest post, dunno how that works at all. Have heard that it is the way to go though, so Im game 😀

      Like

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